Not enough...

As I reflect upon day 3 here, I could only come up with "not enough"....

Alyn went Home today. Though having not met her, she left this footprint for the rest of us to try to fill. I keep having this conviction that God is trying to show me in very small and significant ways that NOTHING is a surprise to Him. There is no doubt in my mind. The timing of God bringing Alyn home is not a surprise, nor out of His perfect plan. This was the beginning of the "not enough". More time with Alyn here- so that she could continue as she had started here. More time for us to have the opportunity to all meet her- anyone who comes down to our oasis amidst the backdrop of a third world country.

Our trip today took us to Mother Theresa's House of Charity. (Started with breakfast ala Karen and Jenn- love those ladies!! The men have some stiff expectations to meet!) As we approached the gate, I really wondered what it would be like exactly. We walked through the grounds, past the building destroyed by the earthquake, and into the new main building. The first room we walked into had pieces of fabric and two old sewing machines, being run by the pedals instead of electricity. We have one at home... displayed as an antique. As we walked around up and down stairs, they had the beds split by means of truly orphaned or those who were there to get medical treatment, with the possibility of being signed over to be adopted.

The first few beds had babies hooked up to IV's into their heads I would suppose to keep them from ripping them out? I had no idea. Perhaps my whole life I've stayed ignorant on purpose. Unknowing what it would feel like to have your baby in intensive care or in need of serious medical services. Perhaps I've stayed away from knowing because I wouldn't have a means of fixing something that would ruin me if I did expose myself to it.... Losing myself in the downstairs of an orphanage is not where I expected to be wrecked by God on this trip. The babies just cry because they have care, but they don't get the same hugs, kisses, care that our babies do. I get upset when Chase gets an asthma attack or an excema outbreak or an allergy attack... And while this still matters because it's my son and my baby and someone I would give my life for.... he's never been close to losing his life. Again, what is God teaching me here?

Honestly, we just held babies. I fed one, baby Sonia. She is 2-1/2 but the size of maybe a one year old in my family. A six year old the size of a three year old. A five year old the size of Ali-papa. We walked back to the house during the midday, and returned around 3. I held a baby who was the size of a premie or small baby at five months.

As the afternoon went on, after a time downstairs with the toddlers (the children there for the purpose of care rather than orphaned), I found myself upstairs where there was crying that just wouldn't seem to end. It was in this nursery room I found all the babies from earlier, with half of a room that fits around 18 cribs, crying. There is not enough. I had two children in my arms, or a child and holding the hand of another, but that still left many without comfort. There isn't enough. There weren't enough arms. Enough hugs. Enough laps. Maybe the lesson for today is finding when these children have enough.

God's blessings.

Love you.

Kristi

Healing Haiti Team Member